Dreaming of Living the Dream

Procrastination and having too many balls in the air are my two biggest challenges. It also doesn’t help that I have trouble focusing on one thing at a time. Let’s see if I can help myself by writing this post as I think it through in real-time. Hopefully I’ll help you too.

A Portrait of the Blogger as a Young Man

I’m not kidding about the real-time thing. I often write as I think, a kind of James Joyce stream of consciousness thing, but a little more concise. It helps when I have a list of thoughts or titles to refer to as I mentioned in my last post, but the writing is generally spur-of-the-moment stuff. I decided that I should post something this morning so that this blog doesn’t quickly become another casualty of my try-to-do-everything-but-accomplish-nothing issues. Again I turned to my list of titles, and again found a thought that felt right immediately, the title above. At least that practice has helped.

Another reason I wanted to write a post first thing is to see if it would help get my creative juices flowing and my fingers into typing mode for the “work”ahead of me today, ie my contracted writing which allows me to eat and sleep indoors. We’ll see how it goes. Many days I find myself doing a little bit of this interrupted by a little bit of that, and by mid-day I start panicking because I haven’t really accomplished anything. Frustrating is the  mildest word I can think of to describe it.

I feel as if I am in a constant catch-22 situation, a rotation of things I want or need to do and other things that seem to creep up and steal my time. It’s a focus issue more than anything else. I schedule my calendar, but I don’t follow it. I make a task list and end up with a longer “today” list each day because everything gets pushed back. I put reminders everywhere, but the snooze button rules.

Back to the Point

In a way I am already living the dream. I do work for myself. I do  work from home. I do get to make my own schedule. So what’s the problem?

The problem is that my dreams are big. I started a company last year, and within a few months I had around 70 contractors working for me. By the end of the year it was down to me and a few others. While some of them left for other opportunities or school, and some I chose to stop using because of my standards of work, many left because I wasn’t able to manage such a large undertaking primarily by myself and they got frustrated with me.

I once did a music podcast, and I would love to start it again but I just don’t have the time right now. I wrote a tech blog. Again, gone. I have several sites that I have started for different ideas sitting idle and unpublished. My latest dream is a massive organization, similar to a non-profit, for training and empowering people to serve others, complete with a directory of opportunities online, locally, globally, etc. Will it come to fruition? I hope so, but not without focus.

Not an Island

I’m beginning to see a light at the end of my long dark tunnel. There is still quite a bit of distance between where I am and where I’m going, however. Of course, I can never reach where I want to go completely, since each destination is only a rest stop on the journey. Otherwise life would be terribly boring. So I’m beginning to reach out to others who want to share in my dreams, to collaborate for a unified goal. The connections are coming together quite nicely, actually.

One person can change the world, but they can’t do it all on their own. This is my lesson to myself today. I can only be an island in small matters, and small matters are not what I’m reaching for. The paradox of ‘dreaming of living the dream’ is apparently that I already am and should enjoy the small victories, but at the same time the dream keeps growing, and sharing it is the only way to grow it. Kind of like love.

Suffer me your thoughts. How do you stay focused? How do you employ collaboration effectively? Help a brother out. I’m happy to do the same in any way I can.

If you want to know more about me, start here. Maybe we can do something together.